国际技术转让合同英译浅谈/王春晖(7)
4．校改译文、润色词语
校改译文是从事汉译外所必不可少的一步。在校改合同英译文时，要对译文的词语、行文作更进一步的推敲。要着眼于译文的严谨性和准确性。所以译者在搁笔之前一定要逐段、逐句、逐词仔细修改、润色译文，做到：词义精确、结构严谨。请看下列各例的译文：
（1）按照本合同第二条规定的合同内容和范围，甲方向乙方支付的合同总价为ⅩⅩ美元（大写ⅩⅩⅩⅩ）。其分项价格如下：
The total contract price to be paid by party A to party B according to the content and scope stipulated in Article 2 of the contract isⅩⅩ US dollars (say:ⅩⅩⅩⅩ),Their classified prices are as follow:... 在该英译文中有几处值得商讨。第一，“按照...规定”，译为"according to..."欠妥， "according to"的主要意思是 "on the authority of",而本句所表达的是“按双方同意在平等基础上签订的合同条款为根据”，应选用 "in accordance with" 或"pursuant to" 较为贴切，第二“本合同第二条”。在这个短语中，“合同”和“第二条”的关系是一种“归属”关系，介词应用 to不能用 of,译成： "Article 2 to the contract".第三，“合同总价为 ...”译成："The total contract price is..." ，不象合同语气，正确的译文应是"The total contract price shall be..." 。第四，“其分项价格如下：”应译成："Their breakdown prices are as follow:"，这里 "breakdown"是指‘把成本价格、总数分成细目”，而"classifies"主要表示“把货物分类或分等级”。另外‘甲方向乙方支付的”应改用定语从句“...price which shall be paid by party A to party B"才能体现出“甲方所负有的义务”，全句应改为： The total contract price which shall be paid by party A to party B in accordance with (or pursuant to) the content and scope stipulated in Article 2 to the contract shall be ⅩⅩ US dollars (say:ⅩⅩⅩⅩ). Their breakdown prices are as follow:
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